Faith & Opportunism

I tend to think I need a plan. I need to have everything mapped out and figured out. Basically up until graduating from college, I did. The plan was 1. Graduate high school, 2. Graduate college, 3. Be financially independent, 4. Get married sometime after that.

I'm currently working on #3. At some point, I want to lapse back into #2 and get a Master's degree in something. It helps to know what that something is before studying for whatever test I'll need to take and applying to whatever schools I need to apply to. I'll need to apply for loans, decide to work and take classes at the same time or go full time. I'll need to think about how much debt I'm willing to take on, what kind of doors an advanced degree might open and what I'd be leaving behind to pursue something else.

When I start thinking about my future (even as near as this summer or next year) I start spiraling into confusion. Most 20-something year olds get it. They're in my boat, but there is no use talking about my future plans with real adults (i.e. my parents or coworkers) because it just shows them I'm lost, unstable and unprepared to take on the world.

BUT, I'm coming to terms with the fact that I don't need to have my life mapped out. I actually had a thought this morning that some of the people who will most influence me in my life are not even alive yet...like my children and grandchildren. Somewhere we get the idea that by the age of 20, we need to have the next 60+ years mapped out.

I heard a great statement about faith today. When you're driving at night, you can only see a few hundred feet in front of you, but you still know the road is there. As long as you follow the little bit of the road you can see, you'll get where you're going. It's such a simple concept, but I need to apply it to my life. I'm not big on cliche quotes, but I like this one by Martin Luther King Jr., "Faith is taking the first step when you don't see the whole staircase."

Now, you're probably expecting some big announcement that I'm taking some grand big step on my grand staircase of life- I don't have a big announcement other than I'm going to go to work tomorrow and keep living my life.

My aunt gave me a little pep talk about being opportunistic today. After thinking about it, some really great and exciting things have happened to me when I chose to be opportunistic instead of chickening out. My sophomore year of college, an opportunity to study abroad with Baylor University for 19 days in Southeast Asia fell in my lap. I'm not quite sure how- I wasn't looking for it. I had never dreamt of going to Asia, and I honestly didn't have a strong desire to go. I felt pressured by the Baylor professor, and before I gave my final "yes," the professor reserved a plane ticket with my name on it and my mom made a deposit.

On January 1, 2008 I found myself bawling in the airport parking lot with my family all around me (I don't like crying in front of people- even my family). I was scared. I was going to spend 19 days on the other side of the world with 13 strangers- kids I had never met from a different school. It was actually a bigger deal than just that. A week after I was to get back from Asia, I was spending an entire semester in London with a group of girls I had met a few times- I had a few acquaintances in the group, but they might as well have been strangers too. I felt the close friends I had made in my first 3 semesters at school drifting away and I knew when I got back the next Fall, everything would be different. My parents told me I didn't have to go if I didn't want to. What? We've paid for this trip, I've packed, I'm here at the airport and you're telling me I don't have to go?

I went anyway. Both study abroad experiences were life changing. I went to 10 new countries, shook the hand of a Thai prince, went paragliding in Switzerland, climbed to the top of the Eiffel Tower, St. Paul's Cathedral, and St. Peter's Basilica, laid on a Spanish beach and hiked through the English countryside. I learned a great deal about myself and the strangers I was afraid of became some of my best friends. I am thankful for the lessons learned, the experiences I gained and the people I met. I trust life continues to hand me wonderful and unexpected opportunities.

I can't stress about my future. I know as long as I'm patient and have faith, my future will unfold without me trying. I think if I try to map out the next 60 years of my life, I'll screw it up. God knows what He's doing. He has a plan, and He isn't willing to unveil it all right now, but that's probably for the best. I'd be far too excited about my entire future to fold my laundry tonight and go into work in the morning.

"Your life is defined by opportunities. Even the ones you miss." Benjamin Button